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What moves you to move, to do what you do?

What moves you to move, to do what you do?

Attend to Little Occurrences (Little Os)

For those of you following me here, you might have noticed, I am not on a fixed writing regimen. This is not a weekly gig nor a monthly gig. It is a ‘following the flow’ gig. So sometimes, you might get an occasional snowflake; and sometimes a snow storm. Sometimes you might be invited to meet me, seemingly through your intellect alone. Mostly not. I shall call upon you to engage with all of your Being. The breath and blood and bones of you; the yelps and howls, shrieks and shouts, guffaws and moans, delights and frights of you. Come with all you have to receive and give. Engagement is key to our mutual – reciprocal – exchange. Learning is changing and I expect to be changed by what I encounter when you and I ‘meet’ in the ways that are possible and discoverable between us.

I follow what beckons from the edges of my awareness. Think of blinking stars in the darkness of the vast heavens in which all my many possible/potential ‘TO-DOs’ drift. Suddenly a spark in my peripheral vision catches my attention. This is one of those moments.

You might ask me “why did you do/write/post ‘this’ today?” More often than not, when asked that question, I will probably say: I don’t know. In truth I really do not know ‘the’ answer to all the moving interdependencies that moved me to move to ‘do/say/write’ this thing in this moment. I simply knew I must without knowing ‘why’. Without even knowing where this emerging writing might carry me.

To me, it is somewhat disingenuous to assert that I know, for sure, some direct causal attribution to many of my ‘animations’/actions; let alone that I am clear about some pre-determined destination. To assert such assumed knowledge, would have me sitting in denial of the countless, unknown and unknowable effects of all that is roiling around in the world today – let alone in my wee life. What I might be able to indicate, is the ‘factor’ I noticed which, I believe, tipped me into motion. Let’s call this factor a ‘Little O’.

OK! So this is where we are flowing! Hmmm. I am pointing us towards the theory of self-organised criticality, as it relates to complex adaptive (living) systems. Put simply, in this theory, there is an accumulation of lots of ‘Little Os’ (tiny, seemingly inconsequential occurrences). At some point, something in the system reaches a threshold of tension/energy/conditions and one more ‘Little O’ appears to activate a shift – think of it as a bigger-than-tiny avalanche/occurrence. Let’s call it a ‘Mid-size O’. When the Mid-size Os, themselves, accumulate to an unknowable ‘mid-number’, they will spill over some indeterminable threshold, becoming a Mid-size O ‘avalanche’ which in turn activates the tipping into a ‘Big Occurrence (Big O)’. This phenomenon is what folk sometimes call a ‘Tipping Point’.

More often, folk look outside themselves for such phenomena – snow avalanches; riots breaking out; eruption into civil war; sudden surge of mass migration; landslide elections that go against the previous patterns in a country; et al. Yet we experience our own versions of this kind of phenomenon when we suddenly burst into tears or explode into laughter or hit out in sudden rage. Whatever scale we focus on, we face the same challenge – we cannot, with any certainty, predict or control the exact when, where, or how of such occurrences. We are dealing with what is called ‘nonlinear causality’, i.e. multiple factors (most unknown and unknowable) are in play and we have no idea when something will ‘tip’, nor in what ways it will ‘go’ until it shows itself.

In my early adult life, I felt both horrified and fascinated by some destructive behaviours I found myself repeating. I did not want to keep doing what I was doing yet could not stop myself simply by demanding that I stop! If it were that easy, none of us would have any persistent problems in our lives!

My earnest wish to experience life differently – fuelled by my intense fascination – turned into a life-long quest to tune in to, and understand, what was going on within me that tipped me into reacting in these self-harming ways. I wanted to ‘catch’ whatever was going on within me, BEORE I tipped into reactivity. Presence in Action (PIA) – as it came to be known in 2017 – evolved and became my way of noticing – and in the process of noticing – changing my ways of being and engaging with myself, others and the world.

Along the way of my (thus far) 41 year living-learning-research I came to know about and the nature of this nonlinear dynamic and to recognise it at play within me. This helped me comprehend and articulate what it is about Presence in Action, that renders it so transformative. More of this will likely show up in future articles.

This brings me back to this moment and my move to write today. I have been experiencing another accumulation of Little O tension within me about the runaway train that is AI. So, I found myself tipping into this space with an urge to share something I wrote in 2024.

If you want to read more about what this has to do with us as human beings, do please follow this link. It will take you to a long read pdf I wrote about about high-tech AI and human-tech PIA.

I would love to know what you make of all this!

[As a mischievous aside: if you want to explore another Big O theory, you might enjoy researching what Kristina Olsen had to say about it, in her song ‘Big O’ dating back to the mid 1990s! You might have to search more deeply to excavate it].

Presence in Action Train The Trainer (TTT) + Learning Retreat 2025

I cannot recall another time in my life when I have felt more tired, except in my early weeks of pregnancy. What was growing inside of me? Where was my energy being expended at such a high rate? Was it the focus and concentration required to make sense of the near 1000 pages of thesis, aka composite submission, which was using all of my bodily being?

Or was it the 6 other different individuals with whom I was interacting 14 hours a day for those 7 days? Or was it all the other things we were self-organising – like meals and day-to-day living, which all needed to be attended to in a different context and in a new PIAC family-like dynamic?

group_of_people_sitting_around_long_wooden_table_with_food_and_flowers_in_bright_room_with_large_window_view

Our final PIAC family meal at Dodmill.

Whatever the multiple factors, I felt absolutely shattered. Oops! That is not an emotion in our Emotions Palette! I am believing I’m shattered – a belief I’m holding onto at the end of the 7 days of mutual context learning, after which I felt exhausted.

I embarked on something similar some 5 years before, in March 2020, just before COVID-19 swept our shores and trapped us in our houses over the following 18 months. I remember back then that this time together in community resourced me for what would be one of the hardest times my family would endure.

group_of_people_sharing_meal_at_table_with_soup_and_bread_collage_showing_retreat_activities_with_food_and_conversation

Figure 3: First Learning retreat focused on  Louie’s PhD (pre-submission 2020)

I had also forgotten that in 2022, we hosted another learning retreat. It seemed like such a different experience back then, or maybe my memory is inaccurate?

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Figure 4:Picture: Notes and emotions from 2022

This 2025 immersion seemed so much more. Perhaps the anticipation of taking a more active role in the future of Presence In Action training had me pay greater attention to the content and meaning of each theoretic model and framework I was rigorously investigating? Or was it that I had a basic knowledge and experience of what was in those pages and could now start to question and delve deeper into this work, and therefore myself, and with each other?

By 2016, Presence in Action (PIA) had become a way of life as I moved between ‘using it’ to support sensemaking with clients as well as with myself in my own life. Since then, I have also been learning through the other ‘Abductive Fruits’ of Louie’s doctoral enquiry, all of which have delivered new ways to understand and navigate what it is to be a human being on my own and with others. I finally got that all this was available to me and for me.

But before I could access the sweet nectar of such fertile fruits, I had to meet the protective thorns that had grown around my delicate inner being.

Thanks to regular troweling and soil-sifting during monthly supervision, along with supervision training itself, alongside my PIA practice partnering on other learning events, I have kept well-cultivated soils in which to seed new learning and sensemaking over the last few years. However, I had never physically experienced being in a group for this extensive period of time.

Thinking back to other group experiences, I remembered my online group supervision training, which extended over 9 months for a few hours a week. Often, not everyone was there. Nevertheless, these 20+ workshops did stretch every sinew of my being.  There were times I cracked open when legacies from my past came into the present in the most unexpected ways. I repeated this training programme as a learning partner, over 3 consecutive years, and, each time, something different was illuminated in me.

This PIAC TTT was an in-person, residential learning retreat alongside my peers and my supervisor/trainer/facilitator/PIA founder – Dr Louie J. N. Gardiner. Perhaps that is a difference that has made a difference.

Returning home from these 7 days, I felt physically sick as I began to let go of all that I had been holding whilst re-entering a seemingly parallel universe.

Maybe it was the sheer enormity of what Louie has made sense of in her PhD: the expanse of different work covered by such different schools of thought from cybernetics to evolutionary biology; attempting to keep abreast of her discoveries and seemingly dead-end diversions; digesting morsels that crept up from my own past which I excavated while consuming the experiences Louie shared; and being witness to her life, whilst witnessing the other seven mortal human beings alongside me, whilst they too ate and transformed before my very eyes.

Who knows what was going on within me, but I was aware of a familiar feeling of disorientation as I got home. Like my tummy had moved from the roller coaster of Dodmill and my body was spinning, degenerating, and enforming in a whirlwind of words, emotions, and experiences.

I went to bed believing this paradigm-shifting within me would be akin to jet lag and would fade after a good sleep. And so it did. Something had reconfigured. Another metamorphosis, from being completely confused and in a sticky mess, to feeling energised and seeming like I was able to fly in a satisfyingly full but light state.

Random clarity reconfigured and realigned in dreams, putting to bed matters which had been left undone in my 50 years of living. Times of experiencing fear in my infancy to love in my teenage years. Where the past tumbled into the present to be re-consumed and digested rather than left like a rotten apple core under my metaphorical sofa (it’s a thing that happens in my home all too often!).

And what I witness and recognise is that my life is different and yet no different. That everyone has things that I don’t recognise playing non-consciously, including me. That by engaging with the multiple ways Louie’s research helps us to make sense and to return us to that state of curiosity we are born with, before the institutions and systems ‘told’ us we were wrong. Why would I want not want to engage myself if love, acceptance, and joy were on the other side – as I discover when I gain the freedom to fly from the net of the past.

I will continue to access these ways to be fully present to me, my family and my friends, and my clients, and to follow the smell of decaying fruit by moving these heavy pieces of furniture to uncover another rotting core! At times, it is not something I easily choose to do, but curiosity and following my senses serve me well.

It has me move into learning.

Here lies the joy of learning together, where I can witness things I had no idea were lurking beneath, for me and for others. To be alongside others who want to show up, share, and bear witness is truly remarkable, particularly as we keep going there together over many years. That I am not alone, but practising in a community whose members care about me, each other, and our wider world, is a gift. Perhaps this is what James Carse calls “playing the infinite game of life”?